A Canvas of Flesh, Written in Scars & Blood

I am the Moon, reflecting light of others,
For others.
Deep and dark, hoping
To be mysterious-
Knowing I'm not.
Nothing surrounds me,
Envelopes me,
Revolves around m;
But I revolve around
You.
For I exist to balance you,
and to be taken for granted.

I want to be seen, noticed,
But I'm nothing beyond a reflection.
Nameless.
Just what
I am.
Dead, lifeless, barren.

There are few out there who think me
Timeless, and beautiful
from a distance.
A Monet of craters and pock-marked marble.
Few have tread on me,
and left their tracks,
My scars.
I refuse to support you.
And yet you brand me, label me your own.

But I am only a facade.
A mask. A fake.
Always half, never full.
And so far away,
You can't see my scars.
I am the Moon.

Current Location: Home
Current Mood: numb
Current Music: "Lose Control" - Evanescence

Here's to the most overrated, yet highly anticipated "give to your girlfriend" holiday in the history of holidays. Can't say I don't love the candy >.>

I didn't do anything PARTICULARLY special... I went shopping with Meggers, went to dinner at a pizza place... Waiting for Chris to get home...

I have a special shoutout to Anna and Cody today, because I didn't get a chance to call either of you today, and I miss you both madly. :( Love you guys.

Current Mood: enthralled

A great thanks goes out to Anna, for whom without you would not be reading this post, and I could be sleeping comfortably after a grueling days' work. Thank you, Anna!

As you may have noticed, I've started my job at PetSmart, and since we aren't open yet, we're unloading pallets and stocking shelves... So I'm tired. Goodnight.

Quick note for anyone who wishes to know: I will officially be arriving in Minnesota tomorrow around 9 or 10pm, though possibly a bit later. Not like you care if it's that late... :P Anyway, I'll be available until Chris comes to get me before New Years'! So gimme a call: 507-289-4306.

I got the job at PetSmart ^.^ The interview went well, and I was about to hand him my list of references but he says "Oh, I don't need those," "You don't?" "No, you've already got the job." O.O

Yeah so I toured the store, which was not yet open-- Still in the assembly state. There's a vet center on site, grooming, a hotel and boarding, training center... They're helping out the local Second Chance, so we have a kitty kennel and any cats adopted from there, the money goes straight back to SC, plus extra money. I guess we have dogs in occasionally from the SC, too.

So as far as I know, we sell all that normal stuff. No feeder mice, just pinky mice (already frozen), no tarantulas or bugs, no iguanas, but other lizards. The other stuff (except feeder mice) we should get later. I get to be a floor associate-- Selling animals ^.^ I should be getting certified to be an Animal Trainer, too. I start January 8, making $7.50 an hour and paid every week. For everything I get certified for (Training, fork lifts, etc.) I get an extra $.30 I think.

Alright, so that out of the way... I should be going to Rochester for the holidays. So Anna, that means you can come see me! Woo!!!! I should be up this week, until just before New Years'. Okay I'm out. Ha quick ending. Moo.

Current Location: SD
Current Mood: accomplished
Current Music: Kid Rock - "Devil Without A Cause"

Okay, so the day before yesterday (Monday) I randomly decided to submit an e-application to the new PetSmart opening here in the next month or so. The day after, (yesterday, Tuesday) I got a call back! Woo! Today, I called them and set up an interview for tomorrow! That's something for every day of the work-week, except Friday! Yay!

So yeah, PetSmart. I'm really hoping to get this job, because I'm so perfect for it. I'll handle cats, dogs, ferrets, birds, rodents (including rats), fish, bugs (including cockroaches, tarantulas, giant millipedes, scorpians, etc.), reptiles (including snakes), amphibians, and whatever else. Not only that, but I know enough about them to actually inform customers and make them interested! Weee! So I'm hoping! Pray to your gods for me!

I'm also thinking, since I'm currently out-of-work and broke, that I'll make gifts for all of my friends. So, if all of said friends would simply tell me something that I may draw and perhaps watercolor, we'd all be happy! Please avoid wanting drawings of realistic-looking animals. I don't do so well with the fur yet.

Happy Holidays! I'll tell everyone my plans within the next few days!

Current Mood: bouncy

( my xmas stocking )

Current Location: The North Pole! Wee!
Current Mood: cheerful
Current Music: "Santa Claus is Coming to Town"! Wee!

01. Bought everyone in the pub a drink
02. Swam with dolphins
03. Climbed a mountain
04. Taken a Ferrari for a test drive
05. Been inside the Great Pyramid
**06. Held a tarantula
07. Taken a candlelit bath with someone
**08. Said ‘I love you’ and meant it
**09. Hugged a tree
**10. Done a striptease
11. Bungee jumped
12. Visited Paris
13. Watched a lightning storm at sea
**14. Stayed up all night long, and watched the sunrise
**15. Seen the Northern Lights
**16. Gone to a huge sports game
17. Walked the stairs to the top of the leaning Tower of Pisa
**18. Grown and eaten your own vegetables
19. Touched an iceberg
**20. Slept under the stars
**21. Changed a baby’s diaper
22. Taken a trip in a hot air balloon
**23. Watched a meteor shower
24. Gotten drunk on champagne
25. Given more than you can afford to charity
**26. Looked up at the night sky through a telescope
**27. Had an uncontrollable giggling fit at the worst possible moment
28. Had a food fight
29. Bet on a winning horse
**30. Taken a sick day when you’re not ill
31. Asked out a stranger
**32. Had a snowball fight
33. Photocopied your bottom on the office photocopier
**34. Screamed as loudly as you possibly can
35. Held a lamb
**36. Enacted a favorite fantasy
37. Taken a midnight skinny dip
**38. Taken an ice cold bath/shower
39. Had a meaningful conversation with a beggar
**40. Seen a total eclipse
**41. Ridden a roller coaster
42. Hit a home run
**43. Fit three weeks miraculously into three days
**44. Danced like a fool and not cared who was looking
**45. Adopted an accent for an entire day
46. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors
**47. Actually felt happy about your life, even for just a moment
**48. Had two hard drives for your computer
49. Visited all 50 states
50. Loved your job for all accounts
51. Taken care of someone who was shit faced
52. Had enough money to be truly satisfied
**53. Had amazing friends
54. Danced with a stranger in a foreign country
55. Watched wild whales
56. Stolen a sign
57. Backpacked in Europe
58. Taken a road-trip
**59. Rock climbing
60. Lied to foreign government’s official in that country to avoid notice
61. Midnight walk on the beach
62. Sky diving
63. Visited Ireland
64. Been heartbroken longer then you were actually in love
65. In a restaurant, sat at a stranger’s table and had a meal with them
66. Visited Japan
67. Bench-pressed your own weight
68. Milked a cow
**69. Alphabetized your records
**70. Pretended to be a superhero
**71. Sung karaoke
**72. Lounged around in bed all day
73. Posed nude in front of strangers
74. Scuba diving
75. Got it on to "Let’s Get It On" by Marvin Gaye
**76. Kissed in the rain
**77. Played in the mud
**78. Played in the rain
**79. Gone to a drive-in theatre
**80. Done something you should regret, but don’t regret it
81. Visited the Great Wall of China
82. Discovered that someone who’s not supposed to know about your blog has discovered your blog
83. Dropped Windows in favor of something better
84. Started a business
**85. Fallen in love and not had your heart broken
86. Toured ancient sites
87. Taken a martial arts class
**88. Sword fought for the honor of a woman. (And a man... Play swords >.>)
89. Played D&D for more than 6 hours straight
90. Gotten married
91. Been in a movie
92. Crashed a party
**93. Loved someone you shouldn’t have
**94. Kissed someone so passionately it made them dizzy (If nothing else, made ME dizzy)
95. Gotten divorced
96. Had sex at the office
**97. Lied
**97. (The REAL 97) Gone without food for 5 days
**98. Made cookies from scratch
**99. Won first prize in a costume contest
100. Ridden a gondola in Venice
101. Gotten a tattoo
**102. Found that the texture of some materials can turn you on
103. Rafted the Snake River
104. Been on television news programs as an "expert"
105. Got flowers for no reason
107. Got so drunk you don’t remember anything
108. Been addicted to some form of illegal drug
**109. Performed on stage
110. Been to Las Vegas
**111. Recorded music
112. Eaten shark
113. Had a one-night-stand
114. Gone to Thailand
**115. Seen Moulin Rouge (the movie :P)
116. Bought a house
**117. Been in a combat zone (my brother's room. Seriously.)
**118. Buried one/both of your parents (In the sand... They weren't dead.)
120. Been on a cruise ship
**121. Spoken more than one language fluently
**122. Gotten into a fight while attempting to defend someone
123. Bounced a check
124. Performed in Rocky Horror
125. Read - and understood - your credit report
126. Raised children
127. Recently bought and played with a favorite childhood toy
128. Followed your favorite band/singer on tour
129. Created and named your own constellation of stars
130. Taken an exotic bicycle tour in a foreign country
**131. Found out something significant that your ancestors did
132. Called or written your Congressperson
133. Packed up and moved to another city to just start over
134. …more than once?
135. Walked the Golden Gate Bridge
**136. Sang loudly in the car, and didn’t stop when you knew someone was looking
137. Had an abortion, or your female partner did
138. Had plastic surgery
**139. Survived an accident that you shouldn’t have survived
140. Wrote articles for a large publication
141. Lost over 100 pounds
142. Held someone while they were having a flashback
143. Piloted an airplane
144. Petted a stingray
**145. Broken someone’s heart
146. Helped an animal give birth
147. Been fired or laid off from a job
148. Won money on a T.V. game show
**149. Broken a bone
150. Killed a human being
151. Gone on an African photo safari
**152. Ridden a motorcycle
153. Driven any land vehicle at a speed of 100mph or faster?
154. Had a body part of yours below the neck pierced
155. Fired a rifle, shotgun or pistol
156. Eaten mushrooms that were gathered in the wild
**157. Ridden a horse
158. Had major surgery.
159. Had sex on a moving train
160. Had a snake as a pet
161. Hiked to the bottom of the Grand Canyon
162. Slept through an entire flight: take, landing, during
**163. Slept for more than 30 hours over the course of 48 hours
164. Visited more foreign countries than U.S. states
165. Visited all 7 continents
166. Taken a canoe trip that lasted more than 2 days
167. Eaten kangaroo meat
168. Fallen in love at an ancient Mayan burial ground
170. Eaten sushi
171. Had your picture in the newspaper
172. Had 2 (or more) healthy romantic relationships for over a year in your lifetime
**173. Changed someone’s mind about something you care deeply about
174. Gotten someone fired for his or her actions
175. Gone back to school
176. Parasailed
177. Changed your name
178. Petted a cockroach
179. Eaten fried green tomatoes
**180. Read The Iliad
**181. Selected one "important" author whom you missed in school, and read him/ her
182. Dined in a restaurant and stolen silverware, plates, cups because your apartment needed them
183. …and gotten 86'ed from the restaurant because you did it so many times, they figured out it was you
**184. Taught yourself an art from scratch
185. Killed and prepared an animal for eating
**186. Apologized to someone years after inflicting the hurt
187. Skipped all your school reunions
**188. Communicated with someone without sharing a common spoken language
189. Been elected to public office
**190. Written your own computer language
191. Thought to yourself that you’re living your dream
192. Had to put someone you love into hospice care
193. Built your own PC from parts
**194. Sold your own artwork to someone who didn’t know you.
195. Had a booth at a street fair
**196. Dyed your hair
197: Been a DJ
198: Found out someone was going to dump you via LiveJournal
**199: Written your own role playing game
200: Lost your Best Friend for reasons of death
**201: Fallen in love over the internet
202: Sung in a Barbers’ Shop Quartet
203: Eaten a live animal
204: Been able to communicate in a language you barely learnt barely three days earlier.
**205: Memorized words from all Disney movies like Aladdin, Lion King etc; furthmore, dialogues from Friends, Smallville and Star Trek
**206: Be able to relate to every song that you ever listen.
207: Part-owned a lapdancing club
208: Carried a loaded weapon for self-defence
209: Spent a night in the nick (I don't get this one.. Can you tell this wasn't written by an American??)

Stolen from Anna :)

So, here's how it works:

1. Open your library (iTunes, Winamp, Media Player, iPod, etc)
2. Put it on shuffle
3. Press play
4. For every question, type the song that's playing
5. When you go to a new question, press the next button
6. Don't lie and try to pretend you're cool.


Opening Credits: "Unpretty" - TLC
Waking Up: "One Week" - Barenaked Ladies
First Day at School: "Girl on TV" - LFO
Falling in Love: "Why Don't You & I" - Carlos Santana ft. Chad Kroeger
Breaking Up: "Freak on a Leash" - Korn
Prom: "Graduation (Friends Forever)" - Vitamin C
Life's Okay: "Southside" - Moby ft. Gwen Stefani
Mental Breakdown: "How Many Times" - ICP
Driving: "Get Another Boyfriend" - Backstreet Boys
Flashback: "Neverending Story" - Erasure
Getting Back Together: "Kiss Me" - Sixpence None the Richer
Birth of a Child: "Yellow" - Coldplay
Wedding Scene: "Blue Monday" - Orgy
Final Battle: ".45" - Shinedown
Death Scene: "Numb" - Linkin Park
Funeral Song: "In the Air Tonight" - Phil Collins
End Credits: "Out of My Head" - Fastball

** I had to redo this like twenty times... It'd start off good, then near the end it wouldn't make any sense anymore. So then I thought maybe I'd start from the bottom-- No luck. I started over from the beginning again and FINALLY came out with this one. The only cheating I did was skipping videos, Christmas songs, Halloween songs, and restarting entirely.

Current Location: Sioux Falls
Current Music: "You're A God" - Vertical Horizon

No one will let me listen to my Christmas music yet v.v *Cry* Soon, the time will come. *soft snickering*

I'm really tossed between whether or not I'm anticipating Thanksgiving or not. Here's how I see it (and unbelievably it has nothing to do with weight gain! Woo!):

Anticipating...
1. Going to Rochester for the holiday, and enjoy a traditional holiday with the family. This year, the feast will be at my uncle's house, and the atmosphere is just beautiful for meals.
2. Thinking about all of the fun things I can make for Thanksgiving one day when I invite my whole family into my home for the holiday. I think about the beautiful appetizers and desserts, as well as all of the classic entres-- Turkey, mashed potatoes, cranberry-waldorf salad, sweet potato pie, pumpkin pie... Mmm-- Can you tell I'm watching Iron Chef? :D Food Channel!!!
3. Just the very idea of getting out of this pigpen for a few days would keep me happy for another month while I continue my search for a future...

Not Anticipating...
1. The possibility that I may not go to Rochester at all for Thanksgiving. It's getting harder for my family to provide me with transportation, due to finances, and Chris can't take me, because he wants to spend the holiday with his family. One day we'll have to fuss over which set of in-laws we visit... But for now I'm trying to keep my mind at ease.
2. Being away from Chris. I know, it's mushy, but I still have an unhealthy obsession and I love it. Plus, I'd love for him to experience Thanksgiving with my family. After all, I've been to two of his... Wonder if he remembers that >.>
3. Sitting at the kiddy table. I shouldn't need to elaborate.
4. Having a good meal then coming back to close to nothing, if I go to Rochester, or
5. Not getting my fill, if I stay here. Usually, although we go to three different places on Thanksgiving here, and even so I don't like a lot of the food offered. The stuff I do like, everyone else does, too, and there's only enough for one serving.
6. Having my family ask me how life is going. I hate lying, but I wouldn't want to tell them the truth either v.v

Well I guess that's how my brain is thinking right now... Don't even get me started on Christmas shopping and the damn lack of money.

Current Mood: frustrated

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Current Music: "Loser" - Three Doors Down

Current Mood: ecstatic

Current Mood: amused

Apparently so. But you know me-- What do I care about sin? So here's my vent...

I'm really, very tired of living here. I love Sioux Falls; Everyone knows that. Right now, there's no place I'd rather be. But this house... It wreaks of old sunflower seeds, dog, cat, ferret, and whatever other animals, mold, dishwater... It's so terribly nauseating that I can't stand it. I'm sure no one else likes it either, but I'm the only one who tries to do anything about it, even if sometimes it's half-heartedly. Can you blame me? I get wise halfway through cleaning and realize it's utterly pointless.

I scrubbed the bathroom floor the other day. I think the linoleum has shrunk over the years, because there are big gaps between it and all the walls, including the base of the tub, toilet, and sink. Ground into these gaps are otherworldly Dustbunnies. They grow with a lifeforce, I swear. I took a course brush and scrubbed the Apocalypse out of them. The plasti-tile is still stained yellow with the tar from the smoke that Normajean "doesn't smoke"-- But you can see the flower design now. I cleaned the tub before and got myself sickeningly high off of chemicals, but boy did the porceline shine if it wasn't for a week. I won't be doing that again for awhile.

I dare not enter the kitchen past the refrigerator. To do so without proper foot and hand protection could result in an outbreak of plague. The dishes need to be washed, but it's so futile an effort. The fruitflies are almost unbearable. Thankfully after Brandon got a ferret cage that's a bit easier to clean, the number docked to maybe half of the original 3.5837 million. Speaking of: it was the most disgusting thing in the world, and just as sad, to look in on poor Skid before he got his new cage, and see the carpet laden with urine stains and piles of feces-- Both of which I've scrubbed before. But even then I refused as I saw the scores of maggots wriggling through the masses.

Thankfully Z (our faithful one-eyed poochy) is doing much better with his accidents. If not let out, which he often isn't, he'll still leave a few piles in just the right places for those who aren't wide-eyed and aware... However he now actually barks and whines to be let out for number ones.

All of the horrific atrocities are enough to churn the stomach, yes. But they aren't what truly bothers me. I know, I know-- I'm weird.

Nearly every day, I make an attempt to clean Chris' old bedroom-- This particular room is now dubbed either "Brandon's second room", "the computer room," or lovingly, "the pet room". It houses just the ferret and my iguana, as well as three computers and a junkyard of useless garbage. I got is so that all of our clean clothes were put neatly in the closet, but for our undergarments in a basket wherever there was room. Our dirty clothes had a home in a larger basket. All of my own personal things were store on or under my computer desk, as well as Chris' to his, and Brandon to his. I gathered three industrial-sized trash bags full of trash, and still it's a bit dishevelled, but MUCH better.

I get the room tidy to a point where a health inspector wouldn't have to boot us out, and time and again, Brandon comes in and trashes it. He never uses his printer, as I noticed every time I unburied it in the room, and so I put it in the back of the closer underneath two huge beanbag chairs. Lo and behold he needs it now and decides to throw everything out of the closet in search for it-- Instead of just emailing whatever needed printing to himself and opening it on the other computer, complete with its' own printer. All of the open space I used for sleeping (yes, I still sleep on the floor v-v), is now buried beneath junk once more. At the moment, I can't even access my own computer, because my chair doesn't fit between said junk and said computer.

Now that I'm through venting about the house and its' occupants...

Rick had a birthday party this last Friday at a hotel. Being that Chris got his ass kicked by a merry-go-round just days prior, and his stitches left him uncapable of swimming, he still went, but just played video games the whole time with $20 worth of quarters that his mom gave him so he wouldn't be bored. It was definately some party!... I hear.

That's right, Yours Truly wasn't invited. Even sitting in the backseat when Chris asked Rick if I was invited, he responded with a pained look as if someone asked him to French-kiss a donkey for $200. I took that as a hint and told him not to worry about it. I wasn't in the mood to care, really... Until I found out that even a girl he VERY dislikes and is VERY uncomfortable around got invited... And I thought we were friends. *le sigh*

No worries though. Of course not, because if I had worries, then people would be mad at me. I really REALLY **SINCERELY** wish that people would stop asking me what's the matter. When I tell them what's wrong, they get mad at me for feeling the way I do. Then when they make that mistake again and I tell them 'nothing', they get even more mad because they know I'm lying. Well what the Hell?!? What do you want from me???

Do you want to know what I want? Pure and simple. I want a decent life. I want to be on my own. I want a decent-paying job.. Maybe $8-9 an hour. I'd go to college if I had the money. I want to have my own place to live, I'm sick of other peoples' rules and other peoples' ways. I want to start a family. Maybe I'm too young now, who knows... But I'll start one in a couple years if I have the house, the money, and the job. I'm not afraid anymore.

Is that too terribly hard to muster? I want to live like any other happy adult. I feel like I don't smile anymore, and when I do, it's forced. Live long, love much, laugh often... I used to live by that. Now I live long because I'm not cruel enough to die, I love much because it's the only hobby I have left, and I barely laugh at all, because it almost hurts.

My mom has offered me many times the opportunity to move back-- But I don't want to. I'd much rather live in that house than this one, even if it is in Rochester. But I don't want to live with parents. I don't want to just give up and say "Oh I suppose... Alright fine," and let the chips fall. Sure, I'm living with Chris' parents, and it's no better, I know. But jeez...

Alright, I'm done. Make my life a book, or better yet, a movie-- Then the lazy people will know about me, too. Nah, no one watches biographies.

Current Location: Chris' parents' house, SF, SD
Current Mood: Too many emotions!
Current Music: "Mother Earth & Father Time" music from Charlotte's Web

http://www.glitter-graphics.com/

Great page for avatars, animated GIFS, etc.

Current Location: Kitchen
Current Mood: complacent
Current Music: "Through Glass" - Stone Sour

Phantom City -- A Sci-Fi forum I promised to join as soon as I make a character. By Xena.
http://www.getphpbb.com/phpbb/index.php?mforum=phantomcity

Siannodel -- A forum-in-a-forum page for me to check out when I make my own FIAF. By Brandon "Loki" A.
http://www.phpbb-uk.net/forums/index.php?mforum=siannodel&sid=785f9de96cfd9701c2914cb7f779e4d6

Bukovi -- My own forum
http://www.getphpbb.com/phpbb/index.php?mforum=bukovina1

Wasn't exactly ordinary I guess. I finished my application to Annabelle's and talked to the owner, Dave. I'm not sure if it went well, but it didn't go poorly. Still looking forward to working there... If I don't get the job, I'm so screwed v.v

I also went to my bestest girlie's house for the night. We went at rented a view movies with her guy-friend Joe (?): the Grudge, Silent Hill, and the Ring Two. I'd seen all three already, but I was looking forward to seeing Silent Hill again, and Megan wanted to bear witness to the other two. So we sufficiently freaked her out ^.^ Then got bored and watched about 20 minutes worth of Harry Potter before *GASP!!* SHE got bored. O.O

Meg and I went to HuHot... And about exploded. x.x Owwww.. Sometimes I wonder how they can possibly get any business if people get too full to ever come back. :P Then, I went home.

Urm... Wow I've never spelled it that way. SPAZ!!! WOOO!!!!! Done.

Bye!

Current Mood: Teehee!!
Current Music: "The Entertainer" - Mozart?